[Ivar wondered if that oblique sentence was referring to Stan's natural neuroses or something else. He decides to just be direct rather then trying to coax it out of Stan. He'd come to him for a reason.]
[Ivar absorbs that and nods thoughtfully. He'd like to say that Stan isn't the type he could see killing himself, but that would be a lie. The kid seems to be held together more by his neuroses than anything else half the time.]
[ Stan's quiet at that question, he starts to pace because well... that's what he does at times when he gets anxious, when the sadness seems to crowd in in a way he doesn't know how to deal with. ]
I think so.
[ Stan's brow furrows. ]
When we went to go fight It... when I made the choice to go into Neibolt's house I knew that the choice was going to kill me. Even if It didn't kill me ... I just... knew somehow It would.
[ Maybe that doesn't make sense. It's hard to explain. ]
But if It came back...and I couldn't go back but I was alive there would be no way that the others would be able to beat It. We had to be together. The only option would be if I wasn't alive. So I think I killed myself because they needed to be able to beat It and that was the only way I could help them.
[ He's adds after a second. ]
Apparently I have a wife...[ He furrows his brow because he's still bothered by the questions he doesn't have answers to. Does he have kids? Did he do what Bev's mom did to her to them? He doesn't think he has kids but... the thought is heavy all the same because he can't be sure. ]
[Ivar listens with an intent and alert expression on his face while Stan lays out the reasoning and motivation behind his death.]
I think I can understand in a way. I’ve told you before how much we believe in fate. If you felt yours was sealed from this point onwards, there was very little that could’ve been done to avoid it.
[He tries to make the idea sound comforting. That’s what it sounds like to Ivar. Then he mentions that he has a wife. Oof. That makes things more difficult.]
[ There's a comfort in Ivar's response. There's no pity. There's no trying to fix Stan or even make sure he's okay in any obvious way. He just accepts it and doesn't act like Stan is wrong or broken or something.
He exhales a little and finally relaxes enough to sit back down by Ivar. ]
I hope that she did...does... time is weird with this, I guess.
[ His brow furrows, it almost feels selfish to want that of someone he hasn't even met even!
He shakes his head a little. ]
You don't think it makes me a weak coward? [ How Ivar sees him has always been important and well, Ivar's seen It since they've been here in one of his memory shares before so at least he knows what it is that Stan is facing in more than just theory. ]
[Sometimes, there's an advantage to seeing things for a psychopathic perspective and from a culture that was so alien to a modern-day perspective.]
Being a coward is running and fleeing from battle, no matter whether the battle is in the physical realm or the mental. Killing yourself is not dishonorable if done with intentions such as you had.
[If he were inclined to any sort of physical contact, he'd give Stan a hug, but he's not, so he settles for an awkward pat on the back.]
[ Stan almost smiles. It's really what Stan needed, was someone who would in their way support him and the decision. He hadn't known for sure if Ivar would but he knew that it would be honest either way.
The pat on the back is better than a hug anyway. He didn't want a hug just then. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-09-20 04:45 am (UTC)What did they tell you?
cw: suicide
Date: 2019-09-26 12:03 am (UTC)[ There was no preamble or sugar coating it. That sort of thing wasn't necessary when it came to Ivar. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-27 01:36 am (UTC)Do you know why?
no subject
Date: 2019-09-28 11:17 pm (UTC)I think so.
[ Stan's brow furrows. ]
When we went to go fight It... when I made the choice to go into Neibolt's house I knew that the choice was going to kill me. Even if It didn't kill me ... I just... knew somehow It would.
[ Maybe that doesn't make sense. It's hard to explain. ]
But if It came back...and I couldn't go back but I was alive there would be no way that the others would be able to beat It. We had to be together. The only option would be if I wasn't alive. So I think I killed myself because they needed to be able to beat It and that was the only way I could help them.
[ He's adds after a second. ]
Apparently I have a wife...[ He furrows his brow because he's still bothered by the questions he doesn't have answers to. Does he have kids? Did he do what Bev's mom did to her to them? He doesn't think he has kids but... the thought is heavy all the same because he can't be sure. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-10-04 03:49 am (UTC)I think I can understand in a way. I’ve told you before how much we believe in fate. If you felt yours was sealed from this point onwards, there was very little that could’ve been done to avoid it.
[He tries to make the idea sound comforting. That’s what it sounds like to Ivar. Then he mentions that he has a wife. Oof. That makes things more difficult.]
She must have mourned you dearly.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-06 03:34 am (UTC)He exhales a little and finally relaxes enough to sit back down by Ivar. ]
I hope that she did...does... time is weird with this, I guess.
[ His brow furrows, it almost feels selfish to want that of someone he hasn't even met even!
He shakes his head a little. ]
You don't think it makes me a weak coward? [ How Ivar sees him has always been important and well, Ivar's seen It since they've been here in one of his memory shares before so at least he knows what it is that Stan is facing in more than just theory. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-10-10 07:51 am (UTC)Being a coward is running and fleeing from battle, no matter whether the battle is in the physical realm or the mental. Killing yourself is not dishonorable if done with intentions such as you had.
[If he were inclined to any sort of physical contact, he'd give Stan a hug, but he's not, so he settles for an awkward pat on the back.]
no subject
Date: 2019-10-13 10:21 pm (UTC)[ Stan almost smiles. It's really what Stan needed, was someone who would in their way support him and the decision. He hadn't known for sure if Ivar would but he knew that it would be honest either way.
The pat on the back is better than a hug anyway. He didn't want a hug just then. ]