ragnarsson | The Sphere Inbox

[ It's not usually very hard to find Ivar. He's often enough causing some kind of trouble but Stan's just perceptive either way. Stan had been close to Ivar in the Quarantine and he's still one of the people that Stan trusts the most even if Stan hasn't been very... social in the sphere as of late.

He looks rather clearly pensive when he fines Ivar, there's something out of his ordinary seriousness and his ordinary sadness. It's weightier and heavier. ]

Ivar, are you busy?

[Ivar's idly sharpening one of his blades when Stan finds him. The boy has always been quiet and drawn inward more often then not. Ivar approved, for he was far different then most kids of his age. Right now, he could tell there was a lot going on behind his eyes.]

Not at all. Is there something that weighs heavy on your mind?

[ Stan isn't surprised by what ivar's doing. It's something he does a lot after all and it stopped bothering him and making him nervous a long time ago now. ]

Yeah.

[ Stan sits down near Ivar, his hands rubbing the tops of his thighs just above his knees before curling over his knees in a habitual movement. ]

You know, how there's all these people coming in lately? A grown up Beverly and my friend Richie too are here right now. [ Ivar's never had the pleasure of meeting a young Richie he's pretty sure, though so it probably wouldn't mean an awful lot. ]

I know of them. [He'd not been too inclined to interact with them, instead regarding the influx of strangers with a wary eye. He thinks that he can see where this is going. Prophecy is such a big thing with the Norse after all.] Did they tell you of things yet to come?

[ Stan's quiet at the question but at least Ivar is as expected and knows at least what is going on in general so he didn't have to explain. He rubs his knees in an anxious movement. ]

Yes. I knew already in a way but not... [ Stan sighs. ]

I just always have this part of me that won't go away.

[Ivar wondered if that oblique sentence was referring to Stan's natural neuroses or something else. He decides to just be direct rather then trying to coax it out of Stan. He'd come to him for a reason.]

What did they tell you?

That I killed myself when I was supposed to go back to Derry and fight It with them.

[ There was no preamble or sugar coating it. That sort of thing wasn't necessary when it came to Ivar. ]

[Ivar absorbs that and nods thoughtfully. He'd like to say that Stan isn't the type he could see killing himself, but that would be a lie. The kid seems to be held together more by his neuroses than anything else half the time.]

Do you know why?

[ Stan's quiet at that question, he starts to pace because well... that's what he does at times when he gets anxious, when the sadness seems to crowd in in a way he doesn't know how to deal with. ]

I think so.

[ Stan's brow furrows. ]

When we went to go fight It... when I made the choice to go into Neibolt's house I knew that the choice was going to kill me. Even if It didn't kill me ... I just... knew somehow It would.

[ Maybe that doesn't make sense. It's hard to explain. ]

But if It came back...and I couldn't go back but I was alive there would be no way that the others would be able to beat It. We had to be together. The only option would be if I wasn't alive. So I think I killed myself because they needed to be able to beat It and that was the only way I could help them.

[ He's adds after a second. ]

Apparently I have a wife...[ He furrows his brow because he's still bothered by the questions he doesn't have answers to. Does he have kids? Did he do what Bev's mom did to her to them? He doesn't think he has kids but... the thought is heavy all the same because he can't be sure. ]

Edited 2019-09-28 23:22 (UTC)

[Ivar listens with an intent and alert expression on his face while Stan lays out the reasoning and motivation behind his death.]

I think I can understand in a way. I’ve told you before how much we believe in fate. If you felt yours was sealed from this point onwards, there was very little that could’ve been done to avoid it.

[He tries to make the idea sound comforting. That’s what it sounds like to Ivar. Then he mentions that he has a wife. Oof. That makes things more difficult.]

She must have mourned you dearly.

[ There's a comfort in Ivar's response. There's no pity. There's no trying to fix Stan or even make sure he's okay in any obvious way. He just accepts it and doesn't act like Stan is wrong or broken or something.

He exhales a little and finally relaxes enough to sit back down by Ivar. ]

I hope that she did...does... time is weird with this, I guess.

[ His brow furrows, it almost feels selfish to want that of someone he hasn't even met even!

He shakes his head a little. ]

You don't think it makes me a weak coward? [ How Ivar sees him has always been important and well, Ivar's seen It since they've been here in one of his memory shares before so at least he knows what it is that Stan is facing in more than just theory. ]

[Sometimes, there's an advantage to seeing things for a psychopathic perspective and from a culture that was so alien to a modern-day perspective.]

Being a coward is running and fleeing from battle, no matter whether the battle is in the physical realm or the mental. Killing yourself is not dishonorable if done with intentions such as you had.

[If he were inclined to any sort of physical contact, he'd give Stan a hug, but he's not, so he settles for an awkward pat on the back.]

Thank you, Ivar.

[ Stan almost smiles. It's really what Stan needed, was someone who would in their way support him and the decision. He hadn't known for sure if Ivar would but he knew that it would be honest either way.

The pat on the back is better than a hug anyway. He didn't want a hug just then. ]

The Sphere Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: suicide

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject